A Practical Guide to Resiliency through Introspection
Introspection
What is introspection? How does one get to know oneself? Don't we already know everything there is to know about ourselves? I thought that I knew myself. I was comfortable with being Me. But I was wrong. In this blog I describe how I got to know the 'real' me. It all started after I had a crisis.
My moment of reckoning
I was leading a busy life as a doctor and a family man. I had all the societal aspirations; money, status, power, etc. But I did not know how to answer basic questions of life, furthermore I didn't even know that I should be able to answer these questions. I was ignorant. It took a debilitating back injury combined with burnout to bring about my moment of reckoning. The moment I realized that I didn't know anything about life, was the day that I transformed myself.
Introspection
I injured my back because I was working out excessively. It got so bad that I found myself lying on the floor of my living room, unable to get up. I went from working out with weighted vests to walking on crutches. I needed assistance with basic activities of daily living; toileting, eating, etc. I could not work, I was in physical and emotional pain. Then a funny thing happened, when I spent time with myself without any distractions, I started having conversations with myself. It was not an active process, I just marinated in my thoughts and did not direct them in any way. Eventually, I went into all those dark places of my mind (which I now know everyone has) and stayed there. I reflected on times of anger, apathy, error, failure, fear, hurt, and shame. It was uncomfortable and a bit scary but the longer I reflected on those thoughts, the more I got to know myself. I later realized, what I was doing was called 'introspection'.
Transformation
Looking back at my life, I now realize that I had come across several such moments of reckoning, but I was not ready to transform till that day. I started looking for answers to the questions of life. I came across Mortimer Adler, I started participating in the Great Conversation.
Socrates once said, "You can't teach someone to be just, temperate, courageous and wise, just like you can teach them geometry."
I was the only one who could transform myself. I started comparing myself to the pre-introspection me and every day I strove to improve myself.
Post transformation
Now, I take complete responsibility for every interaction, whether good or bad. I have stopped finding faults in others and I have realized that the faults lie in me. This is important because I am in control of my faults and I can fix them.
This is what Jocko Willink calls 'Complete Ownership'.
I am in control of my thoughts, emotions, actions, and the resulting consequences. Sure, this is easier said than done, and I have lapses. But I reflect on these lapses and learn from them.
Conclusion
Crisis bring about a moment of reckoning, if we are ready. The moment of reckoning makes us think about our thoughts and emotions. The process of thinking about how we think and feel, is introspection. Introspection helps us understand ourselves. This understanding helps us control our actions and take complete ownership of the consequences. Complete ownership helps build resiliency.
-Aneesh